“Are you pouring the best into your marriage? Or are you giving it the crumbs and leftovers of a busy life?” – Ngina Otiende
It has been one of those days. Nothing has gone right and to make matters worse, you have been running around like a crazy person trying to get everything done. The boss and the kids hit every last nerve and the wifi is down so you can’t get that report done. All you want to do is go to bed and wake up to a new, and hopefully, better day. As you stagger toward the bed, your spouse walks in and is interested in spending some quality time with you. Sigh. In your most dramatic voice, you say, “sorry honey, too tired. Maybe tomorrow.”
You are a little concerned because this happens more than it probably should. But, it is what it is right now. And besides, your spouse understands and you are confident your spouse is full of grace. He or she will always be there for you. You are comfortable your spouse will stick it out even though some of the “early magic” has disappeared. You have a lot going on so for now, my spouse will have to be happy with the leftovers in the areas of time, energy and emotion.
When we stop actively pursuing our spouse, bad things usually happen. What typically happens is you create a functional arrangement and exist as roommates, committed to raising your kids and getting through the day. We become happy with just some leftovers. We feel just like a leftover — used up, dried up, discarded, and stuck in the back of the fridge.
It hasn’t always been this way. When you were dating and in the early years of your marriage, we saved more time, energy and effort for each other. We couldn’t wait to sit down and talk, or go out on a date, or tell each other our feelings. Back then we thought it would never change, but it did. It happened because we stopped pursuing each other. We became content with making excuses. That is when leftovers showed up on the menu. And over time they became more of a staple than a once-in-awhile thing. And if they are the main staple of your marital diet, your marriage will not have the joy and intimacy that God wants for every married couple.
Every husband wants to be pursued by his wife and every wife wants to be pursued by her husband. We need to alway pursue our number two in order for them to see they are pursued, valued and cherished. Making your spouse feel special and a priority is an important and intentional choice that takes work. Work to be a husband/wife who keeps pursuing their husband/wife because you still deeply desire and love them and you are not satisfied with leftovers.
- What happens when we stop pursuing our spouse?
- What can we do this week to start removing leftovers from the marriage menu?