The Power of Positive Speaking

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” – Ephesians 4:29.

Have you ever looked at a couple in a restaurant and noticed that they don’t seem to look at each other even though they are talking? Their eyes are focused elsewhere. In fact, they don’t seem to talk to each other at all. One wonders if this is the way they conduct themselves in the car on the way home, in their living room, with the kids, or even in the intimate moments as husband and wife. 

Is it a case where they have said everything they have to say to their spouse? Has every subject been covered, so there is no more need for words? Are they apathetic? Are they angry? Or have they become disinterested because they stopped saying and doing the things that brought vibrancy to the marriage. Or maybe they have just become comfortable talking at each other, rather than to each other. 

Proverbs 25:11-12 (MSG) says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, And a wise friend’s timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.”  The fact is most couples have demonstrated the ability to communicate effectively. Think back to when you were dating, to all the phone conversations, to all the cute messages left on her answering machine or now on her Facebook and Twitter accounts. You couldn’t wait to tell her or him how much you appreciate him or her or that you wanted to say “I love you.”

You’d stayed up long hours trying to get to know everything you possibly could about your future spouse. You wanted everything romantic in the relationship to be a five-star production. We gladly undertook hours of elaborate and expensive preparations to make sure an event or activity was one he or she would never forget. So what happened between dating and marriage?

The reality is we change once we get married. Not abruptly, usually over a few years time. The husband who was once “fun-loving” is now more serious. They stopped going on dates. Valentine’s Day had fallen off the map. “She doesn’t seem to have time for me anymore.”  “He never compliments me anymore.”

Pursuing the spouse is one of the things that can be kicked to the curb. It can be one of the first things we offer up as a sacrifice on the altar of life. It should be the last. We should go out on dates. Say the positive things about him or her you are thinking. Do stuff together. Laugh together. Share thoughts and ideas together. Pray together. Show an interest in what interests your spouse. 

Discussion Questions:

1. What role does communication play in pursuing your spouse? 
2. What do you think you need to do as a couple to get from where you are in communication to where you need to be?