GRIEF IS THE COST OF LOVING SOMEONE

The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine.” – Isaiah 9:2

There was a story in the newspaper about a young couple who lost their baby boy during delivery. The loss of a child is one of the most intense and debilitating events we can experience. The parents were paralyzed and stunned. Just days ago they were laughing and doing everyday things and assuming that their lives stretched before them in spans of many, many years. And then suddenly . . . it all stopped.  Hope seems so far away as they leave the hospital with empty arms and walk by an empty nursery. Then standing at the side of a tiny casket. All the while thinking that it’s not supposed to be this way.

Losing someone you love can cut into your heart so much that it forever redefines who you are and how you think. In the book of Job, we see a man who lost everything — his livestock, servants, and all ten of his children. In one fell swoop, his wealth, security, and family were stripped away. Yet, in response to unfathomable circumstances, “Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:20–21).

Grief can last for some time. We typically won’t walk through the pain or loss in a couple of days. Job certainly didn’t. In fact, we typically don’t feel the full weight of our grief until the shock wears off, the meals stop coming, friends stop calling, and the world seems to move on while we are left with our pain, with the daily reminders of our loss. But it’s in that moment that we can truly experience the depths of God’s love and goodness towards us.

It’s here that we come to know more deeply that Jesus, “a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief” (Isaiah 53:3), is not unfamiliar and distant in our pain. He has given us His Spirit, who “…helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” (Romans 8:26).

Larry Crabb, in his book Shattered Dreams, says: “Our shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. Pain is a tragedy. But it’s never only a tragedy. For the Christian, it’s always a necessary mile on the long journey to joy. The suffering caused by shattered dreams must not be thought of as something to relieve if we can or endure if we must. It’s an opportunity to be embraced, a chance to discover our desire for the highest blessing God wants to give us, an encounter with himself.”

Discussion Questions

  1. Grief is a process: agree or disagree and why?
  2. What do we need to do to help ourselves through the process of grief? What do we need to do to help others through the grief process?

Stand Out From The Crowd

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” – 1 Peter 4:10

Most of us like to fit in. There is something in our wiring or in our programming as we grow up that makes us afraid to do anything that would make us stand out as being peculiar or different from the crowd. Mostly it is fear. In some of us this fear is stronger than in others. It is definitely easier to go along with the crowd than to stand out. So what does it take to cause one of us to be willing to stand out as Daniel did? And not only to step out but to walk a different path consistently.

We have begun a 21 Day Daniel Fast as a church and as individuals as we seek God’s will for us as a community and as individuals for the remainder of 2015. I have talked a lot recently about our vision to help the whole world find and follow Jesus. To that we need people willing to serve in the church, people that want to step up and stand out.

I would like to point out the difference using the story of the ten lepers found in Luke 17. In Luke 17, Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem when ten lepers call out to him to have pity on them. Jesus tells them to “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed. All ten of them called out Master and each one did what Jesus said. Yet only one realized he was healed and went back to throw himself at Jesus’ feet in gratitude. He stands out. Let’s delve a little deeper in this passage of scripture.

First, let’s talk about initiative. Only one took the higher road and went beyond the instructions. In serving each other in our lives and in church, we need to do more than just the basics. Our service is not a “spiritual to-do list” that we can check off. Instead, to stand out we need to go beyond “the right things” and do the best things. We need to look to Jesus and show initiative. We need to see what has to be done, and do it.

Second, we need humility. The healed man went to Jesus, fell at His feet and thanked Him. He was bold, yet completely humble. Sometimes we may think we’re too good to do certain acts of service. At other times we don’t think we’re good enough. The opportunity to serve is all around us if we’re willing to do anything that’s needed. Let’s not seek opportunity; let’s seek to serve. When it comes to our serving Jesus, nothing should be too high or too low for us to do.

Third, we must choose Jesus. The nine other lepers were no longer outcasts of society. They could have been thinking about re-establishing families, careers and their future. But the one turns back and throws himself at the feet of Jesus. In response, Jesus tells him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” All were healed, but one was saved.

The irony is that when we decide to step up and stand out in our initiative, humility and choosing Jesus constantly, opportunity does come. And better still, others see us at the feet of Jesus and will want what we have.

During the 21-Day Daniel fast I hope you will pray and ask God where He would have you serve at Northstar. Then I hope you will take a stand and choose to serve where God places you.

Discussion Questions:
1. Why did Jesus serve people? Based on Mark 10:45, what was Jesus’ greatest act of servanthood?
2. In what way is Romans 12:11 a challenge for how we are to serve the Lord?
3. Do you think it is important to serve others who are in need? Why or why not? Whose responsibility is it to serve people that are in need?
4. How much time do you typically invest in serving the church on a weekly/monthly basis? Does this include people outside the church?
5. Pray and ask God for the heart of a servant.

ARE WE SELF-RIGHTEOUS?

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.” But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” – Luke 18:9-14.

The problem with self-righteousness is that it makes us believe we are righteous. We arrogantly put ourselves in the position of God bestowing judgment on whomever we see fit. That’s a big problem. As you read this about being self-righteous, you’re probably thinking of other people. But sometimes the best place to look for self-righteousness is in the mirror.

Self-righteousness is not a good look for anybody. It is “the me in me” and is ugly to God and it is ugly to others. Sometimes self-righteousness leaks out and reveals its ugliness through judgmental thoughts and attitudes toward others. We find ourselves looking down at or being dismissive of others.   

In the parable of the prodigal son, the older brother starts an argument with his father. He was angry and, with good cause in his mind. He had a pretty good case against his younger brother. But the real cause of the argument was resentment. He tells his father, “All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to.” (Luke 15:29). His angry confession reveals that he is bitter. He mentions that he’d never had a party thrown in his honor. He felt that he was owed a party and the respect and accolades that come with it.

Self-righteousness can impair our ability to find joy in the redemption of others. When I’m being self-righteous, I’m far better at looking at the speck in someone else’s eye than the plank in my own. Reading the parable of the prodigal son can be pretty convicting because it is easy to see ourselves as the older brother who was bitter rather than forgiving his brother and rejoicing in his return.

Our goal is to become holy without becoming “holier than thou.” We do that by actually becoming holy. Of all the goals we have for our life, the most important is to pursue holiness because it is God’s goal for our life.  If we truly love God, we will commit to making holiness the primary purpose of our life. It is impossible to become both holy and holier-than-thou. To grow in one is to atrophy in the other.

As believers, we are to be holy not because we want to be loved by God but because we are already loved in Christ. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). And the best way to show that we love God is by seeking to become holy because He is holy.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What are some ways pride shows up in your life? When it comes to pride, how much is too much?
  2. There is a difference between confidence and pride. Under what circumstances do you tend toward pride? Have there been times where you have experienced humble confidence?

THE PROOF OF THE RESURRECTION

“The resurrection of Jesus is the cornerstone to a worldview that provides the perspective to all of life. No matter how devastating our struggles are, the resurrection promises us a future of immeasurable good.” – Josh McDowell

The fact that Jesus died on the cross and three days later rose from the grave is foundational to the Christian faith. The miracle of the resurrection of Jesus from the dead has been discussed and debated for centuries.

The New Testament declares that Jesus Christ is one true God who became a human being. The Gospel of John begins by stating the eternal nature of Jesus.”In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God….  So the Word became human and made his home among us…” (John 1:1, 14a). Here is the clear testimony that Jesus, the eternal God, became a human.

The Jewish leaders were offended by Jesus’ claim to be God. For this reason, the Jewish authorities were trying even harder to kill Him. ”So the Jewish leaders tried all the harder to find a way to kill him. For he not only broke the Sabbath, he called God his Father, thereby making himself equal with God”  (John 5:18). Jesus made some amazing claims about Himself.

Jesus claimed to do something that only God could do; He forgave sin. Jesus said the following to a paralyzed man, who was brought to Him. “…“My child, your sins are forgiven” (Mark 2:5). This claim brought a heated response from the religious leaders. They said, “What is he saying? This is blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins” (Mark 2:7). Jesus, by claiming the ability to forgive sin, put Himself on an equal level with God.

The fact that Jesus claimed to be God is clear. The question is, “Were His claims true?” Jesus gave evidence that He was God by doing the things only God could do. This included healing incurable diseases and raising the dead. However, according to Jesus, the one thing that would separate Him from everyone else is that He would rise from the dead three days after His death. He made a number of predictions of His resurrection. We read the following in Matthew.  But Jesus replied, “Only an evil, faithless generation would ask for a miraculous sign; but the only sign I will give them is the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was in the belly of the great fish for three days and three nights, so I, the Son of Man, will be in the heart of the earth for three days and three nights” (Matthew 12:39-40).

Jesus predicted His resurrection. Not only did He make this prediction, but He also fulfilled it by coming back from the dead.  Jesus demonstrated that He could do the things only God could do, including conquering death and resurrection is evidence that He indeed is God the Son.

Discussion Questions:

  1. How can we build a Christlike love that lasts a lifetime?
  2. What can we do this week to start building that love?

GOD WAS PREPARING THE DISCIPLES AND US

 “…The time has come for the Son of Man to enter into his glory, and God will be glorified because of him. And since God receives glory because of the Son, he will give his own glory to the Son, and he will do so at once. Dear children, I will be with you only a little longer. And as I told the Jewish leaders, you will search for me, but you can’t come where I am going. So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” – John 13: 31-35.

If you were going to die tomorrow, how would you spend your day and night today? Jesus faced that question over 2,000 years ago. His answer was obvious. He would spend that entire evening with those whom He was closest to. He would prepare them, teach them and encourage them, for what was coming would be shocking and demoralizing. The world of the disciples would be shattered, and He wanted them to be as ready as they could possibly be.

Jesus knew it was His time to die, and even more significantly, He knew He was going back to the Father. He knew these individuals who were with Him the night before His crucifixion would be the very foundation pillars of Christianity. So, He taught them. He taught them how to be leaders when He washed their feet. He taught them what the price of Christianity was by foreshadowing their coming persecution.  He taught them how connected they were through the illustration of the vine and the branches. He taught them about the role God’s spirit would play in their everyday lives. He taught them to love one another as He loved them.

In John Chapter 16, Jesus offered a novel idea with which the disciples had some difficulty grasping. He said: “But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate, won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you” (John 16:7).  The Bible doesn’t tell us but I bet they looked at each other and said, “what?” How can we be better off when you leave especially the way you are leaving? They would not understand until later.

Jesus was leaving because He had finished the work His father sent Him to do. Galatians 4:4-5 says, “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.” Jesus was born in “the fullness of time”—at the right time. He will leave in “the fullness of time”—at the right time.

There is so much we can learn about the value of being prepared when it comes to the future. It is difficult to plan for the future because much of what happens to us is beyond our control; what we can do is prepare to deal with it when it rolls in.

Discussion Questions:

  1. How did Jesus prepare His disciples for His death and resurrection?
  2. What do we need to do to better prepare for living the Christian life?

GOD”S PLAN FOR THE AGES

“I have a plan for the whole earth, a hand of judgment upon all the nations. The Lord of Heaven’s Armies has spoken—who can change his plans? When his hand is raised, who can stop him?” – Isaiah 14:26-27.

God has a plan. This plan goes back longer than you may think. In fact, it starts at the beginning. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth” (Genesis 1:1).  There was a beginning to everything except God of course. God has always been there even before the beginning. Before there was time before there was space before there was anything there was God and there was a plan.

Scripture makes it abundantly clear that there is a plan. A number of pieces of evidence could be used for the existence of God’s plan for creation, including scripture: “But the LORD’s plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken” (Psalm 33:11). Proverbs 19:21 says, “You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.”

1 Peter 1:20 says, “God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but now in these last days he has been revealed for your sake.” What Peter is saying is before the foundation of the world, God the Father planned to send His Son, Jesus Christ, as the perfect Lamb of God who would ransom sinners from their sins. In other words, God’s plan that Christ would die for sinners was established before any sinner ever existed. It is for this reason that the Apostle Paul writes, “For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 1:9).

Before He laid the foundations of the world, He already knew that man would sin and perish without His help. Therefore He already prepared a plan of salvation – a way for us to be reconciled with God through His son Jesus Christ our only Mediator and Intercessor. God not only prepared this plan of salvation but made it known to man also. From the very beginning, God started revealing this great plan in His Word.

Jesus resolved to go to Jerusalem and the cross. Luke 9:51 says, “As the time drew near for him to ascend to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem.” The whole of Jesus’ life is directed towards this supreme moment. The plan is unfolding. He was whipped to an inch of His life. He has barely managed, gasping and exhausted, to get to the ‘place of skulls’. The executioners stretch him out on the ground and nail Him to the wood. Then He is hoisted up until he hangs straight from the vertical shaft of wood which has been fixed into the ground. He has waited for this for many years, and on this day He is to fulfill his desire to fulfill the plan and redeem all men.

So here is the wonderful plan of God, right from before the beginning of time: Jesus, in love, was willing to be the One who would come as the Lamb of God and die as a sacrifice for sin so that those who were lost could be adopted back into His family and experience all the blessings that God had been planned from the beginning of time.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Scripture makes it abundantly clear that there is a plan. A number of pieces of evidence could be used for the existence of God’s plan. What sticks out to you?
  2. What is the significance of God’s Plan for your life? 

I AM LOVED BY GOD

“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark (ship).” – William Shakespeare.

The Bible tells us repeatedly that God loves us and has given us plenty of evidence to back up His words. He created us. He provides for us. And He forgives us, even though we are rebellious. He even went so far as to send His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us while we were still sinners. God did it all because He loves us.

But even though the Bible tells us God is love it is hard to fully grasp that truth. How do we fully understand that God loves us with an enduring, sacrificial, infinite, and unconditional love? We frequently seek to understand God’s love through the love we have for our children: we love our kids even when they challenge us with behaviors that are not very lovable. God’s love is like that. But it goes deeper than that. When sin threatened our relationship with Him, He sacrificed His own son to restore that relationship. “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16).

He loves us because we are His. We were created for a loving relationship with Him. God’s love knows no bounds; it is unconditional. He doesn’t say if you behave well and do these things I will love you. Rather, “…God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8) He never gives up on us, and we can come to Him at any time.

Such love is beyond our ability to grasp with our minds, but it is not beyond our ability to experience with our hearts. The more we study it, the more we understand it, and the more we realize, we will move steadily beyond our understanding. But it does not mean that we cannot have confidence in the fact that God unconditionally loves us. Know it, cling to it, and remember it; don’t underestimate the love of God for you.  No one is immune to it. Everyone will experience it to some degree. And no matter who you are, your life is changed because of it.

The Lord loves you. He says so again and again in the Bible. Don’t take our word for it. Read His Word for yourself and see how deep and unconditional God’s love is for us.

Discussion Questions

  1. What is your definition of “unconditional love”?
  2. How often do you try to grasp the love of God?

THINK THE BEST OF OTHERS

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” – Luke 6:31

There are some difficult people out there.  But the reality is nobody is as bad or good as we think they are. Our dearest friend has flaws and our worst enemy has redeeming qualities. That is why our approach to everyone should be the same. We should only look for the good and ignore the bad. In other words, we should be positive and patient with everyone and find the courage to think the best of others.

Think the best of others because this is what you expect them to think of you. Give them the same benefit of the doubt you desire. Believe that they have your best interests in mind. The temptation to be skeptical or even suspicious of their motives is not what God expects of us. We cannot judge a person’s heart.

Our role is to think the best of the people God put into our lives. That is especially true of the people closest to us. Husbands should think the very best of their wives and want the very best for their lives.  Wives think the best of their husbands and want the very best for their lives. Then there are the kids. It is especially tempting to think harshly of teenagers who are trying to figure things out on their own, and not be told what to do. Thinking good of others is not easy. It is hard to set your default to thinking the best of others, but that is what we should do because that is what God does.

When God looks at us, He sees Christ. He doesn’t look at us as sinners with bad habits and hang-ups. The Lord looks at us and the potential we have. He reaches out to His children and offers opportunities. He thinks the best of us because we are His. He does not disown us for our dumb mistakes. He forgives us and thinks the best of us and asks us to do the same.

Trusting others’ intentions does not mean we are irresponsible. We still need to have our eyes open. And ask questions when they need to be asked. And we still may need to hold people accountable on occasion. But in all that the foundation should be trust and choosing to think the best of people and circumstances. It is much more than just being positive. It is a reflection of God in you.

Think the best of yourself, your spouse, your friends, and your work associates.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” (Philippians 2:3-4).

Discussion Questions:

  1. What does thinking the best of someone mean in real life?
  2. Philippians 2:3 encourages, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves..” Is there someone in your life you need to actively consider more important than yourself? How can you seek to humbly show preference to that person over your own desires or wants?

GRACE IS STILL AMAZING

“For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.” –  2 Timothy 1:9.

Grace is a gift most of us don’t know how to receive. We’ve been so inundated with the earthly systems of give-and-get and work-and-earn that grace is a concept that seems difficult to grasp. But there is no better way to invest our time than pursuing a deeper understanding and knowledge of God’s grace.

Grace is an amazing gift. It provides us with everything we need to live in freedom: pardon for our sins, healing for our hearts, the companionship of God’s indwelling Holy Spirit, and the ability to cultivate an ongoing relationship with Him. God’s grace should motivate, energize, and empower us.

Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift and power of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon. “So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ” ( 2 Thessalonians 1:11–12)

All around us, there is evidence of God’s grace. We just have to remind ourselves what to look for. Grace is in all of these things, big and small. It is real and practical, not abstract or theoretical, and utterly undeserved. The radical beauty of grace is that it is totally unmerited and unconditional. We don’t deserve the free gift of salvation, we don’t deserve the constant help of the Holy Spirit, and we don’t deserve all of the joys and pleasures of this life. And yet, because of God’s unthinkable love for us, we get to experience all of these forms of grace and more.

We need to take some time to be deeply thankful for the saving grace of Jesus while at the same time noticing all the ways the people around us and the Holy Spirit help us every day. Let all these things point you to Jesus and remind you of grace and how amazing it is.

And then, together, we can truly appreciate the lines from Amazing Grace: “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see…”

Discussion Questions:

  1. How can grace be summarized?
  2. Why is it easy to believe we can earn God’s grace? 

  

A MARRIAGE LOVE THAT LASTS A LIFETIME

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:5. 

When you meet someone and immediately feel a connection with him or her, it’s often hard to explain. Some call it love at first sight, but others just feel like they’ve known the person forever. It’s an amazing feeling to be so happy and so comfortable with a person, especially when those feelings are reciprocated. Date nights, big and small, are always a special occasion, and being with your person simply feels like home. You found your soulmate and are ready for your happily-ever-after life of romance and passion, being loved, and overflowing with love.

We all want this idyllic marriage. There is no chance we will fight, argue, or bicker. Our love will prevent us from ever growing apart. In fact, poets will be writing sonnets on our love so future generations can benefit from our love story. But then each spouse discovers that neither of them measures up to the ideals of the other. They each realize that the other was not perfect, productive, organized, efficient, or logical and didn’t quite measure up to his or her own ideals.   They begin to wonder if love was really the cure for everything as romance novels and books suggest.

The Christian life is not designed for maintenance. It is meant to be vibrant and alive and in the process of adding to and developing your character. Your faith is not static; rather, it is dynamic and changing. And the same should be true of marriage. If you want to invest in your marriage continue to grow spiritually, and grow more like Jesus; see, love, and care for your spouse like Jesus sees, loves, and cares for them.

The love of God is so much greater than the love we talk about usually. Because if a marriage is based on God’s love, it won’t manipulate, or be easily threatened, encourage lies or retaliate. It’s different and better—and it’s about being secure and faithful within the marriage. A love that lasts a lifetime involves two imperfect, flawed, deeply broken people finding all their need for intimacy not in each other, but in God.  When both people in a marriage press into God in such a way that they sense that He is present, He is working, redeeming all those broken pieces that create havoc in their marriage.

When spouses let go of expecting what our spouses will never be able to give us— that’s when true love grows and thrives and becomes something beautiful. True love doesn’t fit neatly on the inside of a Hallmark card. Real romance looks more like two broken people who’ve learned to receive love from the One who loves them like no other and then found ways to pour that love on each other.

And that kind of love lasts a lifetime.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What have you done in the past that helped you deeply connect with your spouse?
  2. How can you help each other feel deeply loved and cared for?
  3. What is one new relationship skill you could learn that would help nourish your marriage? Who or what are you investing in?