“Why is it so hard to have faith in God sometimes when He relentlessly has faith in me every single day?” I find myself asking this question daily.
I am insecure. I am moody. I am selfish. I am a dreamer. I am demanding. I am stubborn. I am guarded. I am unthoughtful at times. I am fearful. I am bold. I am impatient. I am me.
These things often cause me to miss God. Miss him so much that I am found in the aftermath on my knees crying out for his peace and understanding. And yet each time…there he is, relentlessly faithful.
I have a hard time beleiving in myself a lot of times. I know I will accomplish a task because of my inate ability to finish anything and everything I have started – but when it’s all said and done I don’t find myself believing I did anything because of who I am. I simply believe I did it because I worked hard and accomplished a goal. God doesn’t want this for me. He wants me to believe in myself for no better reason than that He believes in me.
I often think about God and how he must look at me and shake his head with a smile and say, “My sweet girl, please know that I am for you. Have faith in me.” If only I didn’t let myself get in the way. My fears. My pain. My insecurity. Deep down I am not the bold, hard headed, confident, guarded girl that most see. No. Inside I am a little girl dressed in pink and skipping through a field of flowers. Deep down I wear my heart on my sleeve and long to be loved forever and always.
Through the years I have learned that there is nothing I can do to make God lose his faith in me. He sent his Son to die for me because he knew that I could never get it right – but he loves me anyway. He loves me anyway. He loves you anyway.
Tomorrow I may choose to be afraid. I may shut down. I may retreat. I may miss it. But God loves me anyways. Knowing this makes me no longer want to rest in the exuses of my past. But to run whole heartedly towards my future.
I challenge you to step out in faith and trust in something greater than yourself. Jesus loves you. He relentlessly loves you. Have faith and trust that He is good.