“God is looking for imperfect men and women who have learned to walk in moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit. Christians who have come to terms with their inadequacies, fears, and failures. Believers who have become discontent with ‘surviving’ and have taken the time to investigate everything God has to offer in this life.” – Charles Stanley

I have read this quote over and over. Each time I am reminded of a place the Lord has taken me and everything that came along with it – the fear, the frustration, the excitement, the struggle, the joy, the pain, the sorrow, the confusion, the growth, the hurt, the numbness, the gratefulness, the humbleness, the promise, the closeness, the reliance, the understanding, the e v e r y t h i n g.

I remember when God called me to serve him. I was young and selfish and not interested in the idea of literally giving him my entire life. I did what most people do: I fought him, I ran from him, I yelled at him, I ignored him, I turned away from him, I did anything but submit to him. Why would I choose to give up my freedom? Why would I choose to be poor? Why would I choose to be boring? No, serving him was not for me.

The cool thing about the Lord is he doesn’t relent. No matter how good you are at running – he’s better and eventually he will catch up with you. It took me a long time to decide that being relentless is cool. Just being honest. But I’m glad I did. I can no longer imagine me doing anything but serving him.

I’ve never been one to live a mediocre life. That’s too predictable for me.

My momma always refers to her kids being home using the “nest analogy.” You know – when we’re away her nest is empty and when we’re home it’s full. I’ve always been her bird that will only come to the nest when I have to. She’s wonderful at letting me fly. In fact – I love her for that (and many other reasons). I have a passion for people and places and love seeing the world for what it is. I find God’s vastness in the people I meet and places I go. You can imagine that ambition brings many things my way – success, failure, excitement, pain, joy, sorrow, love, heartbreak, etc. All of which I have grown from.

I have many fears. Fears of not being good enough, not pleasing God with his plan for me, not being enough for a husband, not being a good mom, not being smart enough, not being pretty enough, and the list goes on and on. I would definetly say that God and I have had the conversation of me being imperfect and inadequate more than a few times. Had one today in fact.

The quote above brings joy to my soul. The fact that God went looking for me knowing that I’m imperfect and inadequate to fulfill his incredible plan for my life brings peace to my soul. It takes away so much pressure and allows me to simply breathe because I understand that I can do nothing without him.

I’m a mess.

I’m inadequate.

I’m selfish.

I’m scared.

I’m imperfect.

And yet he loves me anyways.

Do you feel like God is calling you to a place that you don’t want to go? You find yourself naming person after person that would be better and is more worthy. Let go my sweet friend. Trust him. Rely on the Holy Spirit. He is for you.

Psalm 143

A psalm of David.

Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]

Answer me quickly, Lord;

    my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

11 For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.