Finding Versus Becoming

“ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” – Ephesians 5:25. 

It is a familiar story: Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Girl likes guy. They spend a lot of time in person and text each other throughout the day. While they do have differences, they find they have much more in common. Everything is falling into place. The relationship moves from the budding stage to the bloom stage. This is the real deal.  All that is missing is overcoming the concern that this is the right person for me. “I need God to tell me he or she is the right one before I go any further.”

But finding the right one is not easy and often can cause problems. Finding our “soulmate”  often means we put them under the microscope, and that typically continues after marriage. We evaluate whatever our spouse says, what he or she does during her spare time. What about their dating history? Does he or she like the same kind of movies and music I do?  What about their political views? Or spiritual views. Nobody can measure up to that kind of scrutiny.

Every marriage is built and shaped by two different, sinful people adjusting to one another. You simply will never find a human being who is pre-packaged to fit your every personality, quirk, preference, or lifestyle particularity. Basically, we would need to clone ourselves. Every couple will have differences and will need to make adjustments for one another. Every healthy marriage will require sacrifice, adjustments and selflessness. So while no one will ever be everything you want, our spouse can be what we need if we are willing to put the work into our marriage. Marriage can be everything God intended it to be. But it starts with you. 

God continues to work on us, sanctifying, shaping, molding, and creating the person He wants us to be. You see, none of us has arrived yet. We are all unfinished products. God is still working on us, sometimes it is apparent and sometimes He works behind the scenes. But God is working on us in all our relationships.

At some point, we need to realize that we should probably spend a lot less energy finding the right person, and more on becoming the right person. We will find that when most of our attention is focused on our spouse, we are neglecting some great opportunities for the Lord to develop us. 

So, are you too narrowly focused on finding the right person instead of becoming the right person? If so, begin working on becoming the person God created you to be. 

Discussion Questions:

1. What would a “becoming” life that pleases God look like?
2. How do you go about changing your focus from your spouse to yourself?
3. What can we do this week to fix our focus on God?