Commitment And Trust

“If you had started doing anything two weeks ago, by today you would have been two weeks better at it.” – John Mayer.” 

Do you believe commitment and trust are synonymous when it comes to marriage? If you talked to married people, you would probably get the following answer to what’s the difference between commitment and trust: Commitment is our intent to stay in a relationship with our spouse; trust is the practice of doing so.

That answer makes sense to me. Committed spouses will build trust over time. Commitment is built by paying attention to “little things” to show their love and concern. To set up a firm foundation in any marriage the husband and wife need to feel a sense of obligation to each other. God designed marriage to bring a couple deep-seated joy and contentment. He intended for a man to “rejoice in the wife” and for “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.” (Proverbs 5:18; Ephesians 5:28) To create that sort of bond, a couple must be committed. And their marriage relationship will grow. They will form a bond the Bible describes as being so close that it is as if the two people were “one flesh.” (Matthew 19:5)

Conveying commitment isn’t showy, but subtle and and often behind the scenes. But we still have to do it. 

Trust is built in very small moments in which one person turns toward their partner when they’re in need. When our partner responds positively, by “being there” for us, that builds trust.

Once we are “there” for each other over and over again, we can also begin to trust each other in the face of anger or upset. Having a ground rule that says, “its okay to be angry, I am not going anywhere,” is a very important building block to trust. Marriage should be a top priority both in spending time together and in carrying out the commitments of daily life.

Commitment means investing time in any relationship. Or putting your spouse above other things. It also helps build trust because you are creating evidence that you are reliable, that you can be counted on and trusted. The ability to rely on each other as a team is real trust in the relationship.

When you are fully committed and it is shows in your relationship, it can be a powerful force. True commitment in a healthy relationship takes time to get to know each other, demonstrates a commitment to certain values, accepts each other’s personal standards and involves faithfulness. Such a marriage will be healthy and successful.    

Discussion Questions:

1. How do you view the difference between commitment and trust? Which of the two values do you identify with the most?
2. If you had to choose one or the other in a relationship which one would you choose and why?
3. Can a lack of trust in a marriage or relationship be fixed? If so, how?
4. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean to trust the Lord with all of your heart? We all have areas where is it easier to trust Him and also have areas where it is more difficult. How does this apply to marriage?
5. What can we do this week to build trust in a relationship/marriage?