Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Dating can bring closeness that goes beyond simple companionship. Sharing time and yourself with a boyfriend or girlfriend involves that person becoming a major part of your life. Little by little, you start to define yourself in terms of this relationship. There is a closeness and dare you say, warm and fuzzy love is in the air. You start talking about marriage and that’s when things go south.

The person you want to spend the rest of your life with is not sure they are ready to get married. They’re not sure they are willing to commit themselves to joining with you for the rest of your lives. They also are not sure they buy into your concept of sacrifice and selflessness in marriage or the roles and duties of husband and wife. They read Ephesians 5:22-31 and to be kind, freaked out.  So what do you do now?

You risked your heart. You shared your life. You bought the gifts, made the memories, and dreamed your dreams together — and it hit a pretty big snag. Do you continue anyway or do you break it off and risk being back at square one and lonely. 

Every situation is different and I would not presume to know the answer to that question in every occurrence. I also know that no one begins dating someone hoping to break it off someday. The wiring in most of us has us longing for a lasting relationship that culminates in marriage. We’re looking, sometimes it feels frantically, for love, for affection and security and companionship and commitment and intimacy and help. After all, God seems to want most of us to be married.  For example, Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” 

This doesn’t mean every dating relationship should end in marriage. It is better to suffer the hurt of a breakup than to get married to a person who is not right for you. 

Knowing and embracing God’s design for marriage and dating will help us take healthy next steps in our pursuit of marriage.  I hope you realize that God has never abandoned you, and he will never abandon you.  There’s no circumstance facing you that He’s not engineering to give you deep and durable life and freedom and joy. He loves our lasting joy in Him much more than He loves our temporary comfort today.

God does know what you need, and He’s never too slow to provide it. One way God provides for us through breakups is by making it clear — by whatever means and for whatever reason — this relationship was not His plan for our marriage. 

Trust Him to provide for you each day whether you get married or not. If you do get married, know that He will bring the person you need.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Have you ever broke up with somebody? What was the experience like?
  2. When did you set your dating standards? How well have you stuck to them?
  3. Why is it important to know what God thinks about dating?
  4. How can we know when it is time to break off a relationship? What are some valid reasons for breaking off the relationship?

In Season

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Timing is everything. There is a great deal of truth to this common phrase. For example, timing is often critical when dealing with people. You don’t ask for a raise when the business is losing money. You don’t ask someone to cover for you when you didn’t cover for them last. Timing is important in cooking. That beautiful steak you bought was left on the grill too long and now it is like shoe leather. And one last example, timing is important in finance. When you buy a stock and when you sell a stock is the difference between making money and losing money on your investment. Selling the stock at the right time is critical. And as I talked about on Sunday, timing is important for your dating life.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-15, Solomon tells us that life is really a matter of timing, for timing is everything. It is hard to argue with that since we have calendars and schedules and clocks with us wherever we go. What would we do without our smart phones? Timing is everything. If there is a season, a time for everything, how do we apply that to dating? Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 is not about how we view the various seasons of life, but how we view God in the various seasons of life. In Sunday’s message I talked about three seasons.

The Season of Perfection: We’ve been groomed by society to look for the “perfect man” or the “perfect woman.” Reality shows portray groups of contestants vying for the heart of one person believing they are the “perfect” person. In this season we believe the person may be perfect, and why not. The person pursued me, and I couldn’t wait to enter into a relationship with him or her. This is where parents or the person in the relationship must exercise caution to make sure it is not just a temporary euphoria. We can slow the process down by limiting the time the couple spends together, not getting ahead of yourself or the relationship by saying “I love you” prematurely and by limiting the opportunities for temptation. 

The Season of Preparation: This is the area where we do the due diligence on the relationship. This is where we assess what we want and what we expect in a relationship. This is where we establish our deal breakers. This is where we get a handle on what’s happening and evaluate where you are headed as a couple. And we need to do all of this introspection through the lens of biblical standards. These are high standards and we need key people in our lives actively involved to help us meet those standards as best we can.

The Season of Purity: This season is pretty self-explanatory. Sex was designed to be a deep bonding experience between a husband and wife. So if you’re going to develop a healthy dating relationship and make a wise decision about getting married or not getting married, you’re going to have to draw away from this obsession with the sexual part of the relationship for the season of dating. This is the area where we should not compromise.   

Discussion Questions:

  1. How important is timing in the seasons of life?
  2. Did you think the person you were dating was perfect? Why or why not?
  3. How important is preparation before marriage? What did you do to prepare for your future relationships?
  4. How did/do you deal with temptation in dating and relationships?

Out Of Date

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”- 2 Timothy 2:22

This devotional is aimed at men. We work hard to identify, date and pursue a woman we want to spend the rest of our life with. But once we get married all that effort can easily be forgotten. It is almost like our master plan is to first, identify a woman you wish to date. Second, get the girl to date and to like you back. Third, so impress the girl as you date so she will agree to marry you. Fourth get married. Fifth, relax. Sixth, get into a routine of kids, work, bills and stress with the girl you married.   

The man who dated, wooed, and passionately pursued the woman of his dreams transforms into the husband who shares a home, bills, and rearing children, complete with all the associated problems with those things with his wife. Dating provides the opportunity to get to really know your future spouse, to talk and bond, share dreams and aspirations for the future etc.  But why does that stop when we get married?  What we really want is a marriage that feels like a mission, a journey that moves towards something beautiful, fulfilling and God centered. Kind of like the way dating felt.

It makes you wonder why we stop dating when we get married.  Maybe it is because men don’t know how to date their wives. They did it before, but they’ve forgotten how, or they’re trying but it just doesn’t seem to be working. But here’s the bottom line.  I believe marriage benefits from dating. It is an opportunity to be alone with your wife and give her your full attention. Prove to her that she is more important than your career and schedule. I read a quote that I think has real value to those who are married as well as those who are considering getting married: Date night is food for your marriage.

Married couples that have regular date nights tell me they are important to oneness in their marriage. They made a point to get out, just the two of them; they talked, shared, and it made a difference in their marriage. If we waited until there was spare time, it just wouldn’t happen. They told me there are a lot of things out there to do, if we, as couples, are intentional, creative, and committed. Even those who have been married for years love their date nights, they look forward to them and treasure them.

I am not talking about break the bank, fancy, wear a tux, rent a limo kind of date, although there is nothing wrong with that. What I am talking about is a once-a-week date with your spouse to communicate with each other and to connect emotionally. I’m reminded of what Solomon said to his bride in Song of Solomon: “The fig tree ripens its figs,and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” (Song of Solomon 2:13-14).

Dates are important for every couple, no matter what stage of family life you are in. If date nights are not part of your schedule, consider talking to your spouse to say you miss dating and want to connect again on that emotional level.  Intentional sharing and meaningful time together are a must for a successful marriage and an example for the kids to follow.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Do you ever feel that you’re simply too busy to share enjoyable and meaningful time together as husband and wife?  What would it take to enable you to spend enjoyable time together on a more regular basis?  Babysitters?  Schedule readjustments?  A different approach to balancing work and family life?
  2. What one thing can you commit yourself to do this week in an effort to free up more time to spend with your spouse?
  3. How often do you sit down as a couple simply to talk to one another?  Do you set time aside specifically for this purpose?  Why or why not?
  4. Do you have regular date nights? If not, why not? If so, what can you do to keep them from becoming “routine” and “boring”?
  5. What are your most passionate interests as individuals?  What do you enjoy doing most?  How would your spouse answer these questions?  How can you use this knowledge to plan more meaningful times together?

A Culture Shock

“If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” – John 15:19.

Romans 12: 2 tells us, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think…” The challenge is disengaging from the culture we live in. Let’s think about dating and relationships for moment.

For better or for worse? Really? With so many mixed messages in our culture that speak to the contrary, it is no wonder that young people don’t think of dating as the means of finding a spouse. Do we really, at a young age, grasp the definition of a commitment for life? We live in a throwaway culture. If it doesn’t click, discard it and move on. We get distracted so easily. 

It is hard for young people to stay focused on what really matters when they are dealing with so much coming at them that while acceptable in society is diametrically opposed to their Christian values and beliefs. The culture can easily become the norm rather than the exception. Those that are dating or contemplating marriage need to realize that it is a spiritual matter. Choosing your future spouse is more than just picking someone you’re compatible with. It’s a faith-filled journey of both joy and pain, but it’s through that journey that God reveals the very person that was created for each of us to fulfill his ultimate purpose for our lives.

By being open to God’s will in all aspects of dating, one can grow in our faith as God helps to shape the relationship. When searching for a spouse, it is essential to be open to God’s will and center one’s life around Christ. When you date with marriage in mind, you are, from the start, shaping a relationship that is built on character—a relationship that helps you to be a Godly partner. After all, it’s got to be much deeper, because we’re talking about for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

A question for all the married people out there: what would you do different if you were dating today? How is the culture different today? Would you make different choices? Would you listen to family and friends who offer advice?  Would you be more purposeful about dating? Would you make more mature decisions? 

We might consider what we can do to help young adults to discover and understand the real purpose of dating. We can help them make wiser choices. We can talk with them about decisions and commitments.  We can help them with questions about their faith in Jesus Christ and in dating and marriage. We can keep them from making the mistakes that so many young people have made before them. 

Discussion Questions:

  1. What do you think is (or was) the best part of dating?  What do you think is (or was) the hardest part of dating?   
  2. How does our culture impact the dating experience? How does your relationship with God impact your dating experience?
  3. Read 1 Corinthians 15:33: Do you believe this verse includes dating? Why or why not?
  4. Read Song of Solomon 2:7: What does this verse mean to you?
  5. Discuss the idea of a mentor’s role in dating/relationship? Have you been impacted by the example of others?

We Love Best By Loving God First

“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” – Psalm 63:1-8.

Boy…it has been one of those days. As Christians, we also have a lot of “those” days, but we also have days that are like all the rest of the days. Normal or typical days if you will. But what do those days look like? Maybe something like this: The alarm wakes us up, we shuffle into the kitchen for coffee and while it is cooling a bit, we check our email. A partial smile crosses our face as we hear our wife hit the snooze button. The kids start to stir and knowing the chaos that is imminent, we utter a one minute prayer that hopefully covers all the bases. We mentally commit to God that we will have a quiet time tomorrow. 

The wife gets a peck on the cheek as we walk out the door. By 8:30 a.m. we are at the office and offer a second prayer that the boss will be happy with our work or better yet be out of the office today. The day is filled with meetings, deadlines, side conversation and numbers. At least we had a moment to check out our likes on Facebook. Leaving the office you remember that you need to stop and get a loaf of French bread for dinner.

Sound familiar?

It has happened to all of us. Our hope and plan is to have a certain hierarchy: God first, family second, work third. But the reality is that priorities will tell us what or who is lord of our lives. Where are we investing most of our time, money, and energy? Which relationships and activities do you devote yourself to every day? Where do you currently place God in your list of priorities? In Sunday’s message I talked about how real intimacy comes when Jesus Christ is at the center of your life. We all want a rich and rewarding experience with the Lord on typical days and “one of those days.”  David gives a vivid description of his passion for God in the verses at the top of this article. But it won’t happen automatically or accidentally. Human relationships are not instantaneous; they must be cultivated over time. In the same way, spiritual unity with God must be pursued over time.

The first step in our quest for intimacy with the Lord is getting to know Him—who He is, what He does, how He thinks, and what He desires. Even though God is invisible, a close relationship with Him is grown the same way human friendships are—through time spent together, communication, breaking down barriers, and shared interests. We will never achieve closeness with the Lord unless we invest time and effort in getting to know Him. A neglected relationship simply won’t grow. 

No one can have an intimate relationship with God and remain unchanged. Our experiences with Him teach us that He is faithful and can be trusted. And before long, time spent with Him becomes the best part of each day. Instead of watching the clock, we’ll want to stay longer because His presence is better than anything else.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Do you feel the presence of God on a daily basis?
  2. How can we invest daily in connecting to God?
  3. What role does energy play in our relationship with God? What about sacrifice? Trust?
  4. Read John 14:23: What does that verse say to you about intimacy with God?
  5. Read Philippians 3:7-14: What was Paul’s greatest pursuit in life? How satisfied was he with his relationship with Christ?
  6. Pray and ask God to help you make Him the center of your life.

Working Out On The Inside

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you – if you find my beloved, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.” – Song of Solomon 5:8.

More and more people have issues with photoshopped images to eliminate flaws. Digital altering of the body has no limits. Wrinkles and pounds can disappear. Flaws are masked. It does make people look more attractive. But it is not real and more importantly it can be harmful. Our desire to be attractive and to match up to unrealistic body types has led to eating disorders and other emotional problems. And it has led to surgeries. More than 11 million cosmetic surgical and nonsurgical procedures were performed by board-certified plastic surgeons, and other doctors in the United States, totaling more than 12 billion dollars.   

The Bible has a different perspective. Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”  We are created in the image of God, and God doesn’t make inferior things. Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; the question is why don’t we. When you look in the mirror and sigh and wonder why (name) couldn’t be different or better or thinner, take a second and remember Psalm 139:14. 

1 Samuel 16:7 says, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” The world focuses on the outside appearance. But God focuses on what people look like on the inside. So the question is if we are going to work on being attractive, do we spend more time and effort on the outside or the inside? There’s nothing wrong with selecting a nice outfit, or doing our hair, or even exercising to look good. We need to find a balance. We need to spend more time working out to become more attractive on the inside. 

In a letter to his young assistant Timothy, the Apostle Paul wrote: “ …train yourself to be godly.” (1 Timothy 4:7). The Apostle compared physical fitness with spiritual fitness. “for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8).  For spiritual growth, nothing can take the place of prayer–simply spending time with God, thanking him for his gifts to you, praising him, asking for guidance, admitting your sins and asking forgiveness and help.

1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”  1 Timothy 4:16 adds, “…Keep a close watch on yourself.” From time to time, ask yourself how you are doing spiritually, and –take the steps necessary to continue growing.

Try this. Schedule your spiritual training just as you would an appointment at work or a date night with your spouse or an outing with the kids. If you don’t feel you are getting the results you desire, you may need to work a little harder on your spiritual training. Remember that prayer is a very important part of staying “spiritually fit”.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Are you happy with the amount of spiritual growth in your life? Why or why not?
  2. What person has most encouraged you in your spiritual growth?
  3. What event/activity/season of life caused your spiritual life to grow the most?
  4. At what period of your life would you describe as the time when you were closest to God?
  5. What changes would you have to make in your life now in order to grow more spiritually?
  6. Pray and ask God for His help in making you attractive on the inside.

Center of Attraction

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” –  1 Peter 3:3-7.

In the Bible there are several stories of love at first sight. One of them is Jacob and Rachel. The complete story is in Genesis 29: “…but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance. Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.” If you know the entire story, Jacob is tricked and works another 7 years to be given the hand of Rachel. That is a pretty strong attraction.

Attraction is physical, just like God designed it to be. The first instance of physical attraction in Scripture comes in Genesis 2:18-25, when the Lord brings Eve to Adam, and Adam exults in Eve.  David “had beautiful eyes and was handsome” (1 Samuel 16:12).  The couple in Song of Songs, for example, clearly takes delight in the physical makeup of the other, and this delight helps keep their marriage strong. These texts — and many others — reminds us that the Bible does not shy away from the subject.

Most of us think of attraction in romantic terms. If asked to define attraction, we would think of a cinematic moment, an instance when two eyes inexplicably met and there is instant chemistry. Suddenly two hearts are beating as one and in the next scene the couple is walking hand in hand along a beach at sunset.  

Attraction is part of God’s design for marriage. We see a person of the opposite sex and find them attractive, a discovery that usually helps with any lingering fear or shyness. Attraction goes well beyond the physical, however. We are mistaken when we think that attraction amounts only to physical desire. Believers have other reasons to find the opposite sex attractive. Attraction can be intellectual, grounded in an appreciation of intelligence. It can be character-driven, rooted in the serving and loving heart of a person. It can be less easy to pin down, but connected to sense of humor, background, recreational interest, music, politics, or many other things.

But the most important is spiritual attraction. A man or woman who loves the risen Christ and serves Him faithfully day by day is also a powerful attraction. You might well feel attracted to a believer for other reasons, but spiritual attraction is for many Christians, the greatest draw to their spouse. Beauty, can be appealing, but can’t match a heart sold out for Jesus. There is no more powerful unifying force in the world.

Discussion Questions:

  1. How do you define attraction? What makes a person attractive to you? Do you have realistic expectations?
  2. Have your views on attraction been impacted by our culture?
  3. Do you think social media is impacting our views on attraction?
  4. What is God’s role in attraction in your mind?

The State of Relationships

“And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”- Mark 3:31-35 

If you were asked what the greatest blessings in your life are, what would your answer be? If you are like most people, your answer would be family, parents, brothers, your husband or wife, your children, your grandparents and maybe a few close friends. The next question is why you consider them a blessing in your life. There are many reasons why they could be a blessing in your life. Hopefully, some are a blessing because they lift you up, they support you and they help you with your walk with God.

In the Mark 31 passage above, Jesus’ family comes on the scene seeking to help Jesus, at least in their own minds. Jesus is surrounded by crowds of people and his family wants to take charge of Him.

If we are honest we want to be surrounded by people as well. We desire to be surrounded by people who will help us get ahead, people who will improve our life, people who will help us through the rough patches. We want people around us who we can spend time with, have fun and talk over the issues of the day.  But we also want people who we can be more open, more candid with. People we can do life with and know they have our back no matter what the circumstance. People we can feel secure with. People we can be intimate with: intimacy is defined as any relationship where we know another fully and where we are also fully known.

Our spouse can fill all those roles. The spouse can bring clarity to the relationship and energy, a unifying spirit and the ability to keep the focus on God where it belongs.

The world and God have different views on the recipe for a good marriage. The world might say that couples need “chemistry”. God takes a different view. He says the covenant that men and women make with one another is what a good marriage is based upon. Spouses honor one another and God by understanding and adhering to that covenant. Marital relationships are strengthened by growing together toward the same goals. We simply need to let go and let God handle it.   

God is constantly trying to change us into the persons He created us to be. He uses marriage for this purpose. Recognizing these things provides an entirely new perspective on marriage and will strengthen the relationships without crowds around us.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What kind of relationship do you want? What brings you closer to people, what pushes you away?
  2. What builds connections in your relationship with them?
  3. What time and energy are you willing to put in to developing intimacy in this relationship?
  4. How might you make them aware of your interest in building greater intimacy?

I Have Found The One Whom My Soul Loves…

“As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.” – Song of Solomon 2:3.

Believers not familiar with the Song of Solomon will probably be taken back when they start reading the 117 verses in the 8 chapters. The questions of why The Song of Solomon is in the Bible and why we should study it are one in the same. When we come to study The Song of Solomon we see a very different presentation than we are used to in our studies of Scripture. The Song of Solomon is regarded as probably one of the most obscure and difficult books in the Bible. It can seem risqué, but when considered for its message, it is in harmony with the truths and teachings found elsewhere in Scripture. Most new Christians probably do a double take when they come in contact with it, yet when read carefully and reflect on the verses, you will discover the keen insights, and how deeply it probes into human relationships. Which is why we are spending the next six weeks on the Song of Solomon.

Here’s the thing. God thinks love, romance and sex is important, and Scripture contains numerous guidelines for its use and warnings about its misuse. Perhaps the highlight of this is the Song of Solomon, an intimate story of a man and a woman, their love, courtship, and marriage. It is a moving story, drama, and poem, featuring the love dialogue between a simple Jewish maiden (the young woman) and (Solomon, the king). They describe in intimate detail their feelings for each other and their longings to be together. Throughout the dialogue, love, romance, sex and marriage are framed with a God-given perspective.

As we study the Song of Solomon over the next several weeks, remember that you are loved by God, and commit yourself to seeing life, sex, and marriage from His point of view.

God wants us to enjoy our relationships. Life in Christ is not boring, without pleasure, without intimacy, but quite the opposite. There is much we can learn about intimacy. There is no better place to learn about God, love, and sex than in the Song of Solomon.

From courtship to marriage to the assurance of love, Song of Solomon poetically presents a broad range of events and feelings in the days leading up to and during marriage, offering encouragement toward an enduring love amid the petty jealousies and fears sure to threaten even the strongest of relationships. We should heed Solomon’s words by continuing to appreciate the goodness and the beauty that comes from the union of two people in marriage.

Song of Solomon reminds us that both marriage and the physical union that follows originate in God; we should therefore consider each of them as evidence of His grace working itself out in the world.

Whether you’re married, single, or struggling in a relationship, we all have questions about God, love, intimacy and sex. I believe we have real life answers for real life relationships in the Unforgettable Love Story: A Study of Love, Marriage and Romance series.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Have you studied the Song of Solomon before?
  2. Are you happy with your relationships? Yes or no?
  3. Do you need to work to change your outlook toward intimacy? Should you value it more highly? If married, do you enjoy it to the fullest?
  4. Pray and ask God to speak to you during this series on marriage, relationships and intimacy.

I Stand Corrected

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:11. 

In April of this year our teaching series was entitled “Home Run Life: Living Life By God’s Game Plan.” This series made the connection between the Christian life and the game of baseball. Baseball employs all kinds of coaches who earn their money by coaching the players. Coaching is basically fixing any flaws so they can perform to their maximum. If a baseball player is to be successful, they have to be open to corrections.   

Are you open to correction when life throws you a curve and you suddenly find yourself off track?  Are you open to somebody telling you something you may not want to hear? More often than not we prefer excuses by blaming someone or something else. But if we want to better follow Jesus we have to come to grips with the fact that life is 10 percent of what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.

The fact is we all have obstacles in our life. They can be stepping stones to bigger and better things or they can defeat you depending how you respond. It is important that we have someone who can speak the unvarnished truth to us. Someone who loves us enough to tell us something we don’t want to hear. But again, it is not so much a question of the subject talked about as how we respond. Or in other words what are we going to do about what we are told.

I fully understand that it is awkward even difficult to be corrected. Correction to me is like bad tasting medicine; it puts a grimace on your face when it goes down and the after taste lasts for several seconds, but it will make you feel better in the days to come. Solomon put it like this, “It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.”  (Ecclesiastes 7:5). The song of fools is being flattered. Compliments are often fleeing, but the impact of correction can last a lifetime. 

Here’s the thing. We all know people who made a mistake, own up to it. If you are anything like me, that person immediately earned more of my respect than he did before. There are few things more refreshing than transparency. If we refuse  to be corrected, we have lost  an opportunity to grow. Correction can help us grow in a area where we may be weak. People who accept correction will make fewer mistakes in the future because they will be more diligent in carefully examining how their action or attitude impacts their walk with God.

If someone you trust offers some insights into your life, take the time to listen. Resist the urge to immediately tell the person they are wrong or to defend yourself. Just listen and hear them out. Look at each occurrence as something that could be good. Recognize that God may be using this to refine you in some way. And if you think the person is off base, be open to the fact that you may be wrong. Tell them you honestly don’t see this in your life, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Tell them that you are going to take what they said to you seriously and keep an open mind to what they said. That is the way to respond and to grow.

Proverbs 27:5 tells us, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.”

Discussion Question:

  1. Read 2 Timothy 4:2: What does this verse mean to you?
  2. Should we confront the person or wait until we are asked for our thoughts?
  3. Is there a difference between immediate and deliberate correction?
  4. If you take the “one another” commands of Scripture seriously, loving correction will be part of your small group. Agree or disagree?
  5. Pray and ask God to put someone in your life that will speak the truth into your life.