First Love

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.” – 1 John 4:18-19.

Like many of you, I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that God loves me. He is the God of the universe, the grand Creator, the author of beauty and wonder. How can we not marvel at His love, to be awestruck by His holy presence each day. If I really grasped God’s love, if I really seized it and took hold of it in the whole of who I am, it would impact my life much more greatly than I can even imagine. 

God loved us while we were enemies. God sacrificed his Son for us while we were enemies. Romans 5:10 says, “For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son.” Ephesians 3:18-19 reminds us His love is great. It’s wide, long, high, and deep. It surpasses knowledge. The early Christians endured persecution, hardships and unbelievable suffering. Yet Paul wrote to them:

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39)

Such love is beyond our ability to grasp with our minds, but it is not beyond our ability to experience with our hearts. The more we study it, the more we understand it, the more we realize, we will move steadily beyond our understanding. But it does not mean that we cannot have confidence in the fact that God unconditionally loves us. Know it, cling to it, and remember it; don’t underestimate the love of God for you.

Rejection. No one is immune to it. Everyone will experience it to some degree. And no matter who you are, your life is changed because of it. God is our hope. His love which is undeserved is a beautiful reminder that rejection from man never means rejection from God. 

The question is, will you seek the approval of man or seek the approval of the audience of one, God.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What is your definition of “unconditional love”?
  2. How often do you try to grasp the love of God?

Despised and Rejected

“He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!” – Isaiah 53:3-4

Jesus was and is the most rejected person in all human history. Yet Jesus was perfect. There was no sin, no personality or character flaw in Him that caused Him to be rejected. Yet He suffered undeserved rejection all His life. Jesus was rejected by His peers, by His nation, by the Gentiles, by the world He had created. In the hour of His agony He was betrayed by one friend, denied by another, and abandoned by all of His disciples. He experienced loneliness, suffering, grief, and rejection. He even felt rejected by God, His Father. Remember His cry from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46).

So how did Jesus deal with rejection? “One day when the crowds were being baptized, Jesus himself was baptized. As he was praying, the heavens opened, and the Holy Spirit, in bodily form, descended on him like a dove. And a voice from heaven said, “You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.” (Luke 3:21-22)

The rejection of man had little affect on Jesus because He was completely accepted by His Father. Since He was secure in His Father‘s acceptance, the praise or rejection of others had no power over Him. Jesus knew that regardless of how people would respond to His teaching or actions it held no pull over Him. He didn‘t have to prove or defend anything. He was laser-focused on His Father’s business  “And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business?”  (Luke 2:49 KJV)  The words convey a strong commitment. This is no option. This is what He is about. 

That begs a questions: Are we about our Father’s business rather than worrying about the approval or rejection of man? Is being about our father’s business reflected in how we live our lives?   

If He is Lord, really Lord, then we will want our lives to mirror His.  We will want what He wants, do as He does, go as He goes, give as He gives and live as He lives. 

Discussion Questions:

  1. What does being about my father’s business mean to you?
  2. What can we do this week to focus more on doing our father’s business?

Rejection Just Ahead

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” – Galatians 1:10.

The fear of rejection is one of our deepest human fears. Biologically wired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We’re anxious about the prospect of being cut off, demeaned, or isolated. Rejection confirms our worst fear — perhaps that we’re unlovable, or that we’re destined to be alone, or that we have little worth or value. We may feel like a failure. So how do we overcome the fear of rejection or more specifically, the rejection of others?

The first thing to do is realize that people will let you down. It is not a case of if, but of when. That coupled with the fact that we place far too much value on the opinions of other people is what causes fear. People are going to let us down.  We fear people whose opinion is temporary rather than fearing God whose rejection is eternal.

In 1 Samuel 16, Samuel goes to the house of Jesse to anoint the new king. Samuel assumes it is the tallest of the sons.  But the Lord tells Samuel he has rejected the tallest of the sons. “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” That is good news. That is the constant theme in the New Testament: Jesus doesn’t care what people look like and how religious they look. He looks into the heart.

That is the main difference between people and God. When people look at us, they look at us externally. They look at our appearance. They look at our homes, our position, our salaries, our car. God doesn’t care about that. He looks at our heart. God sees us different than the world. And that’s good news.

He knows everything about you. He sees our weakness. He sees our insecurities. He sees our failings. He sees our fears. He sees our inadequacies. And He loves us. Some of you have a really hard time with this.  God loves you unconditionally. Fall back on that love. “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” (1 John 4:18) 

We can live in this trap of wanting the inconsistent and false approval of other people or we can resign the game and fall back on God’s unconditional love. I like to think it’s this unconditional love that stops our head from moving side to side and seeing what other people think about us and it stops our head and focuses our eyes on the only one who really matters anyway and that’s God.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What difference does it make when you “open your life to the love and acceptance of God in Jesus Christ?” How does this help reduce the fear of rejection in your life?
  2. How does “living by God’s rules”—knowing what He approves and living to please Him—bring a sense of security to your life?
  3. What practical steps can you take to think and care more about God’s approval than the approval of others?

Fall Into A Trap

“Keep me from the traps they have set for me, from the snares of those who do wrong. Let the wicked fall into their own nets, but let me escape.” – Psalm 141:9-10.

We all want others to believe in us, to love us, affirm us and value us for who we really are. We all love affirmation. We all desire significance and recognition. We all benefit from being encouraged by others. And yet, this silent struggle for approval can often become an over-riding motivation that keeps us on an unpredictable roller coaster of insecurity and instability.

Seeking the approval of others or being under the influence of others is often a trap. Most of us have been there. There are different reasons that we fall into this trap. There is only one sure way out of this trap. however.

In truth, we crave the acceptance and approval of men, but we need it from God. We long to know we matter to others, but we forget how much we matter to Him. We desire approval and favor of our peers, but we lose sight of the approval and favor we already have in Christ. While we tend to seek these things from men, ultimately, God is the only One in whom we can find our deepest desires completely fulfilled.

Satan wants to trap us with our need for acceptance and affirmation. He wants us to spend our time in self-promotion. It is easy to get caught in this trap of being motivated by the approval of others. This is when we need to remember that we are already accepted by God so we don’t need to gain acceptance.

The approval of man seems futile when you consider that someone will always be better at something, more beautiful, or more talented, creative and successful than we are. Rather, we ought to enjoy what God has given us to seek His purpose to the best of our ability and to God’s glory. Colossians 3:23 says, “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”  When we come to the point where we view everything as an act of worship to God, we will finally ignore the approval of man. When what God says is the only verdict that matters, man’s opinions won’t matter any longer. Only God can enable us to stop worrying about what others might think if we do what is right. Look at it this way: the tendency to work for others’ approval is a lifelong battle. And learning to rest in our acceptance in Christ is a lifelong growth process.

Discussion Questions:

  1. How do you handle rejection?
  2. Why should we trust in God rather than worrying about the fear of rejection?
  3. What can we do this week to put our dependence on God rather than the approval of man?

Living On Approval

“For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.” – 1 Thessalonians 2:4

Most people today try to be people pleasers. A basic definition of people pleasers is: “People pleasers yearn for outside validation. Their personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on getting the approval of others. They worry how others will view them. They fear they’ll be disliked and rejected by a person or group, whether it’s friends, family or co-workers.  People pleaser’s happiness is based on other people’s perception of them.” That sounds like most of us to one degree or another since our culture is built around pleasing people.

You try to keep your spouse happy, and your boss and your customer. Whoever your employer is you work to try and make your boss happy and your investors. if you are a parent, you are trying to keep your kids happy and if you are a kid you are trying to keep your parents happy. If you are a TV show or a politician, you are looking for approval ratings. And if you participate in social media, you want likes, comments, posts, re-posts, re-tweets, followers, hits and views. Everyone is trying to please someone. In Galatians 1:10, Paul writes, “Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” 

Is the approval of God better? Romans 5:8 says, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”  God knows the very worst of us and yet loves us anyway. We never could win His approval and yet He sends His only son to die for us. Now that is approval. No approval can ever match it or compare to it. God’s approval is so far superior to anyone else’ that it’s just plain off the chart. One, because we didn’t do anything to earn it. 

This sermon series is not so much about who to fear as it is who to trust. We should not focus on people rejecting us because their opinion is temporary, we should be focusing on how God sees us. We can live in this trap of wanting the inconsistent and false approval of other people or we can resign the game and fall back on God’s unconditional love and grace.

The  approval of God is what we really want and what we should work toward. Then we don’t care so much about other people’s opinions, because we know that as long as we have God’s approval, that’s all that matters.  We get freed from trying to please men and become servants of God, who live for an audience of one, God.

 Discussion Questions:

  1. Whom would you say you’re trying to please on a daily basis? God? Your co-workers? Spouse? Friends?
  2. How much more of your potential do you think you could reach if you sought the approval of God and no one else?

The Wonder Of It All

Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them. The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel.” – Matthew 15:30-31.

There is a song by Bethel Music entitled “Wonder.”  It is a wonderful song. The opening chorus begins with three repetitions of the phrase “May we never lose our wonder” and the chorus goes “Wide eyed and mystified, may we be just like a child, staring at the beauty of our king.” We should be filled with wonder: from the humble wonder of the nativity birth to the blinding glory of the transfiguration to the fact that God came to earth to restore us and this world to a right relationship with Him.

May we never lose the wonder of God. The more we learn the more we should be dumbfounded and the more we should be in awe. Jesus gave up everything for you and for me, walked where we walk, felt what we feel, and took our sin, not just a part but the whole. He bore our shame, our punishment, carrying our cross, being pierced for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, and hung on a cross all so that we have the ability not to simply be forgiven, but know Him personally and intimately and know all the riches that there are in Christ Jesus. It makes one wonder how we could forget the wonder and awe of who Jesus is. And it is no wonder why we should want an intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior.

If you and I ever get to the point that we are casual about what happened on the cross, if we ever begin to take it for granted, we need to get on our knees and stay there until we recapture the wonder of it all. We should always remember the price that was paid for our salvation. Ask God to search your heart and reveal to you His glory if you have lost that wonder in who He is and all that He has done in and through your life.

When we slow down from our busy lives long enough to truly gaze at the face of our Creator through prayers, serving others, etc., we can’t help but be brought to our knees in the face of God’s holiness, goodness, and majesty.  

No matter how many lives we see changed, no matter how many people we baptize, I urge you as I urge myself, never lose the wonder of it all.

Discussion Questions:

  1. When was the last time you were filled with complete awe and wonder of who Jesus is?
  2. When was the last time you were alone with Him, lost in His presence?

Finding Intimacy In Community

“Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.” – Colossians 3:16.

One of the core values of Northstar is to foster community with others.  Community is more than just people getting to know each other and spending time together. We believe that community is – as described in Hebrews 10:24 – a group of people who “…motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”  We join up with others in community because we need intimate relationships: discussion that goes deep, friendships that reach beyond the surface, and support that can help us navigate through troubled waters. 

Small groups provide a valuable opportunity to connect with other believers outside the Sunday morning worship. But small groups are more than a program or ministry. Rather, our hope is that small groups become a way of life, extending our Sunday-morning relationships beyond our time together on Sunday morning and outside the walls of our buildings. Small groups have the potential to be a springboard for even deeper relationships. Smaller groups are a safe space for vulnerability, honesty, curiosity, support, encouragement, forgiveness, laughter, accountability, transformation, connection, and a whole host of other things that are not easy to do in a big crowd. In a small group, you have the chance to mentor and be mentored, pray and be prayed for, teach and be taught, laugh and be laughed with, cry and be cried with, a chance to connect with a smaller group of people over months and years and ultimately build some deep, intimate relationships with other believers. 

The alternative is dealing with distractions by yourself. Distractions include relationships which are not healthy. Surrounding yourself with negative people who lead you into temptation and don’t respect your faith. Another one is the “I can do it all on my own” distraction. Whether it’s not making church a regular fixture in your life because you don’t understand how necessary it is or pushing yourself to a breaking point before even considering asking for God’s help, trying to convince yourself that you can do this all alone is a big distraction and will distance yourself from God. Not only are you distracted by the never-ending to do list that accompanies this kind of attitude, you also lose focus on God’s greatness to do more than you ever could. Another distraction are other people’s opinions. The big decisions that you have to make in life are hard enough without adding a chorus of voices that conflict with your faith and prevent you from hearing what God has to say on the matter.

All those distractions and the distance they create between you and God can be solved in a small group.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What does an intimate small group look like to you?
  2. What can we do to develop more intimate relationships in our small groups?

Pursuing Intimacy with God

“His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us.” – Acts 17:27.

Have you ever found yourself starving for real intimacy with God? The idea of intimacy is difficult to get your arms around. How can I be intimate with someone I can’t see, hear, or touch? God and I can’t text with each other or meet for lunch. Yet we know that God created us for an intimate relationship with Him. But what does that mean and more importantly what does it look like in real life? There is no standard formula for developing an intimate relationship with God. Yet there are things we can do to invite the Lord to draw near to us. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Intimacy with God means God is not a priority; He is the priority. David wrote in Psalm 27:4: “One thing I ask of the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple,”  Paul stated his priority by saying everything in my life is garbage compared to knowing Jesus (see Philippians 3:8).

There is a story in Luke 7 about a Pharisee named Simon and a sinful woman.  Simon invited Jesus to have dinner with him. An immoral woman from the city heard that Jesus was there and brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Verse 38 says, “Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.” Simon was in the same room with Jesus. He sat at the same table. But because he was wrapped up in his piety and good works he completely missed the heart of Jesus. 

But the sinful woman did not. She fell at His feet, no act of devotion was too big for her; overwhelmed with love and affection, she worshiped Him with all she had: her most precious perfume and her hair. And Jesus accepted her devotion. When to it comes to a relationship with Jesus we want to be the sinful woman, but sometimes we end up being more like Simon by spending all our energy trying to do great things for God instead of worshiping Him and developing a real intimacy with our Savior.  Intimacy means we, like the sinful woman, want more of Jesus, in our life.

There will be times in our lives when we have a real hunger and a desperation for God. There will be times when we just can’t get enough of Him. There will be times when we feel His presence in tangible ways. At times like these God will feel close and there will be the intimacy we seek. But real intimacy means we do those things even during times of trial or when bad things just keep popping up and it is a labor of love to pray, to spend time in the word and to serve.  But always, I want to seek him. The deepest growth in intimacy in my personal walk with God began when I want to seek to worship and serve God regardless of the circumstances. 

Augustine said, “To fall in love with God is the greatest of all romances; To seek Him, the greatest adventure; To find Him, the greatest human achievement.”

Discussion Questions:

  1. What keeps you from having a more intimate relationship with God?
  2. What role does fear play in developing an intimate relationship with God?
  3. How can we improve our relationship with God?

Intimacy And Relationships

“Falling in love in a Christian way is to say, ‘I am excited about your future and I want to be part of getting you there. I’m signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It’s going to be hard but I want to get there.” – Tim Keller

God cares about how we relate with one another which is why we talk about relationships all the time at Northstar. Talking about relationships makes sense to us because all of our life is about relationships. From beginning to end, we spend our lives relating to others. We want to know and be known, to understand and be understood, to care and be cared for. And we want to love and be loved. But our relationships are often marked by tension, misunderstanding and distance rather than by the security, acceptance and the closeness we desire. Even our most intimate relationships are at times anything but what we want them to be. While it can sometimes seem like a stretch goal, intimacy in our relationships is the goal. 

In the 15th chapter of John, Jesus seeks to impress upon His disciples the importance of relationships. Jesus is referring to the importance of His relationship with them and with their relationship with one another.  1 John 1:3,7 says, “We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ….We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.” John gave God’s definition for intimacy. We cannot have one type of relationship with God and another type with people. Intimacy with God is the foundation. Intimacy with God creates intimacy with others.

From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible reveals that our relationship with God affects our other relationships. As Christians, we want to experience intimacy with God. Psalm 73:28 tells us, “for me it is good to be near God.” And we want to hear and act on what James tells us in Chapter 4 verse 8: “Come close to God, and God will come close to you….” (James 4:8). We serve a living God, the original Father who’s heart aches for His children to have intimacy with Him. God wants to draw near to us. Sometimes we have a hard time drawing near to God which is why we should be thankful He works in ways that draws us, even when we don’t draw near on our own. In the same vein we can have intimacy in our relationships when we make it a point to draw near the other person even if they are not drawing near to us.

Intimacy with God is foundational for marriage, parenting and all relationships. A person cannot have an intimate relationship with God and not love his or her spouse and children the same way they are being loved by God.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What causes a relationship to be classified as intimate?
  2. Intimacy is a risk. But it’s a risk worth taking. You can only experience the fullness and meaning of love when you take the risk of moving closer. Agree or disagree and why?
  3. What can we do this week to improve our relationships?

The Illusion of Intimacy

“O God, you are my God;  I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land…You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.” – Psalm 63:1-8

There is a huge difference between finding real intimacy with God and talking about intimacy with God. It is easy to talk about something without really experiencing it. Yes, we can talk, write, teach, and preach about our relationship with God, but that does not mean we have a genuine intimate relationship.

Intimacy takes work, time, effort, sacrifice, and vulnerability. And it takes Jesus. You can’t substitute those ingredients and expect success. Intimacy with God seems like a daunting task. Most people would probably say, “I want an intimate relationship with God, but it feels like a massive obligation in an already complicated, overwhelmed life. I have enough trouble pulling off an intimate relationship with my spouse and kids, let alone God.”   

I understand that viewpoint. Our relationship with God.often revolves around doing the right things and maintaining the right image. We go to church on Sunday, and small group during the week. We have a long prayer list that we do our best to go through daily so we don’t leave someone or something out. We read our Bible as much as we can. Those and other things are part of a theological formula, or specific action steps that we need to take or follow to draw closer to God. But is that what an “intimate” relationship with Jesus all about? Those things are great and we should be doing them, but having a real, intimate relationship with God is not about what you do, how long you do it or where you do it. Its about knowing who God really is.

Throughout the New Testament, Jesus demonstrates with His own life that a relationship with God is not about rules, rituals,or man made religions. These things are not bad, but do not necessarily help us attain a real knowledge of God. In Luke 11, we read that even the disciples struggled with really knowing God. One day when they were observing Jesus’ deep communion with the Father while He prayed, they noticed how He spoke to God intimately. He wasn’t caught up with following certain rules or rituals. The disciples wanted to have that same connection so they asked Jesus to tell them His secret to having close communion with the Father. Jesus revealed the answer to them in an parable, which is summed up in verses 9-10: “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”

God wants an intimate relationship with each of us. So keep seeking and praying and you will find Him.

 Discussion Questions:

  1. How do you define intimacy with God?
  2. What are some ways that our hunger for God dissipates?
  3. What can we do to strengthen our relationship with God?