“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” – Song of Solomon 2:15.

“We never do things that I want to do; it seems like you prioritize other things over me.”

There isn’t a lonelier place to be than married and feeling alone. Real true connection doesn’t come from wishing and hoping for a fulfilling, passionate, devoted marriage. It comes from working at it. Because marriage is hard work. Marriage will shape and transform you in a hundred different ways. And it requires change, compromise and learning from each other. Marriage takes quality, undistracted time with your spouse, open lines of communication, love, forgiveness and a whole lot of grace.

“We never do anything together, we do everything separately.”

How many times have you and your spouse arrived at the end of a busy week, and neither of you feel like you’ve had a real conversation? Being busy with daily tasks is a part of life.  But when it starts consuming every aspect of your focus, your marriage and your life — it’s time to rethink priorities. You need time together to unwind and decompress and to talk and reconnect after a tough day. Having consistent, devoted, undistracted, un-rushed time with your spouse is critical to a successful marriage. 

“We lost a little spark in our marriage.”

When a couple gets lazy in the amount of quality time they spend together when each person is fully present (not on our cell phones, etc.) their relationship will be okay instead of great. To be great requires quality time: it can be talking, laughing (sometimes disagreeing), and just absorbing time with each other. It can be dinner at home or a dinner and a movie out on a weekly date night. It can be while driving, or walking or sitting. It can be during skydiving, fishing or doing the dishes. You get the idea. 

Having alone time with a spouse is important, but it’s less about quantity and more about quality. Making a relationship succeed takes much time, effort, and patience. Because life is a lot more complicated when you are married does not mean you don’t need to continue scheduling time to spend together.  On the contrary, when so much of your life together becomes about finances, jobs, childcare, etc., spending quality time together becomes even more crucial.

Discussion Questions:

  1. Do you ever feel that you’re simply too busy to share enjoyable and meaningful time together? If so, are you satisfied with the status quo?
  2. What would it take to enable you to spend enjoyable time together on a more regular basis? Babysitters? Schedule readjustments? A different approach to balancing work and family life?
  3. Do you have regular date nights? If so, what can you do to keep them from becoming “routine” and “boring?”
  4. What one thing can you commit yourself to do this week in an effort to free up more time to spend with your spouse?